It's funny. I've been talking to friends recently about how difficult my new project is, and so few of them believe it. When I say I'm having trouble getting started and that at times I don't know if what I'm writing now will coalesce into a book, they scoff (a little). They say, "oh c'mon" or (the more encouraging) "you'll have a draft by March." They look at my track record – eight books in print, another in production – and they don't believe that I doubt myself, or this project, as much as I do.
Maybe this would make sense if I had a multi-book contract and a set formula. The contract, after all, would provide both financial incentive and a deadline, two elements that kept me going in journalism for many years. A formula would, well, be easy. But right now I have neither. In particular, the book I'm trying to write is somewhat different from any I've written thus far. It's crime fiction, rather than a "whodunit" style mystery with a private detective. It's darker, more terse. Yes, there's a cat in it. Somehow, my single female characters always have a cat. But the cat is really quite incidental. And I am having trouble with it. Right now, as I finish up some editing work and look ahead to at least a few hours to write, I am very aware that this will be only the third consecutive day that I've been able to make myself work on this new project. Been able to make myself actually commit words to paper. I'm actually blogging now because I'm a little scared to start. I have a rough idea of the next scene – I have an idea of who will be in it, how they will come into conflict – and I'm excited. But I'm also a little nervous. Is this new style any good? Is this project going to be any good? Will it ever all come together as it has in the past, or have I somehow lost that?
In some ways, I find my friends' faith in me – even their refusal to believe in my very real turmoil - encouraging. Maybe I am too close. Maybe I will do it. But cut me a little slack, folks. Yes, I am the one who chose to work outside my comfort level, but that lack of comfort is real. This is scary stuff, to me.
And now... to work.
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6 comments:
Be proud of yourself for being brave. When you have a surefire formula, it's brave to try something new.
Good for you! Difficult as it is, growth only comes when you try to do something different. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but whatever happens, you learn.
Good luck!
thanks folks - am now trying to tell myself that the temptation to clean the bathroom is actually a bad (aka, avoidance of writing) one. THough a clean bathroom would be nice...
While I have no doubt that your new project will be yet another wonderful book, it is acually kind of encouraging to me that even established writers like you still have doubts. And the fact that you're willing to share your insecurities in such a public forum makes me respect you even more.
Stepping outside your comfort zone is always scary - but the flipside of scary is exhiliration, inspiration, and growth, both as a writer and as a person. Congratulations for being brave enough to take a step into the unknown.
Basically, what I want to say is along the lines of what the others already said, but I guess a little more encouragement always comes in handy, right? Everything you said about your uncertainty about whether you are on the right track with your new project are the normal doubts that set in when one embarks on a new , unaccustomed path. So hang in there, you will get over them eventually. And always keep in mind that there was an urge in the first place that made you take this new direction. And if nothing else, this urge is worth exploring, whatever will come from it in the end. But I'm sure that it won't be a deadend road. Don't give up
Thanks folks. Am now up to about 17,000 words. Still kind of lost and what I'm writing is a mess, but I'm loving it. And I think that it has the potential, somewhere far far down the line, to be of interest to people outside my head, too. I hope!
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